We had gotten ourselves stuck… stuck and itchy. We looked like wild dogs trying to rid ourselves of fleas. Stuck walking on a narrow trail, loaded with poison oak. We had no choice but to turn around, and then we found ourselves in shell heaven! It was a day I’ll never forget.
Me, my mom, my dad, and my sister Neve were in the car, on the road to a California state park. I rolled down the window, feeling the refreshing breeze whip through my hair like a brush. I could almost feel the brisk water and sand sinking through my toes as I inhaled the salty sea. I could see the soaring mountains, bursting with the blooms of Indian Paintbrush.
Finally, Dad stopped at the big sign that said Garrapata State Park. I got out of the car and immediately sand trickled through my tidepooling shoes like water running through a stream. “Oh, great!” I said. “It’s going to take forever to get this sand out of my shoes!” “Come onnn, Delaney!” My sister Neve said as we started on the trail.
As I began to advance towards my family, the juniper bushes started harassing me like silver-green bullies. I tried not to pay attention to them. As we went down an arduous hill, I had to grab some strongly rooted plants to stay on my feet. Momentarily, we got onto level ground and I could stop yanking plants. “Woah, Dad, what is this plant?” I asked as I looked at a yellow-flowered bush. “I don’t know.” He responded, for once.
So when we got to a fence overlooking the ocean, naturally Dad had to stop and take some pictures of the sea and some nearby plants. The sea looked like Poseidon was whipping a long, blue and white liquidy whip towards the coast. There were signs saying to not go into the water because of riptides and strong waves. I thought I had seen big waves before, after our last trip to Florida. But every day here, the flags were red to warn you to not go in the water. Why are the waves so huge? I wondered.
We got to a fork in the path, and suddenly, we stopped. There were two different paths. Both paths went downhill, toward the ocean. One was thin, and steep. It looked rocky and unstable. The second path was wider, and gentler. It looked more like the path we were just on. The narrow one looked like trouble, so we decided to take the wider path. Happy with our choice, we headed down the hill.
After about fifteen minutes of hiking, I started to scratch my legs, once again. Then Dad said, “Watch out for these reddish-green bushes. That’s poison oak.” I had to start jumping over poison oak bushes and stomping on other bushes so I wouldn’t get even more itchy later on. But still, it seemed like every branch wanted a piece of my calves. Why did we have to take this fork on the path? I wondered as I jumped over bush after bush. Finally, we stopped on the trail. “Why are we stopping, Dad?” I asked him. “Because.” He replied. “This trail is too thick with poison oak. We’ll have to turn around and take the other path we saw.” “Ugggh.” I groaned. “Don’t complain!” Mom said.
So then we walked all the way back until we arrived at the crossed paths. We got on the other path and stopped at a large boulder that was facing the ocean. “What now?” I said. “We climb down the boulder,” he casually replied. So we climbed down the boulder. “Ouch!” I said. I scraped my arm on a big rock. Almost instantly, I heard“Wow! Look at all those mussel shells!” Crunch! I hopped down from the boulder. The mussel shells were as thick as a pile of raked leaves in November.
“Oh, wow!” I said. We then started scraping under the mussel shells. “Wow! Look at all these incredible shells!” I said. “I found a dead sea urchin!” I heard Neve say. So then I said, ”Cool! But be careful, Neve. Those are very fragile and they break easily. It will be hard to get it home in one piece.” This is like a shell wonderland! I thought to myself.
As we were digging through the shells, Dad said, “Come here guys, and hold out your hands!” So we walked over and he told us to choose a hand. I chose his right hand, naturally, because I’m right-handed. So he held out his hand and there in his hand, was a real live medium-sized abalone shell! “Oh my gosh!” I yelled. “Thankyouthankyouthankyou!”
Have you ever seen a pearl? On the inside, abalone shells look just like that, except the outside is a brick-red color. Abalone shells are really pricey at some stores, and if you order abalone at a restaurant, your bill’s bound to be high. So you can imagine how ecstatic I was when I got one. Then Dad said, ”One of you, come here.” I got there first. So he said, “Hold out your hand.” I did and in my hand he dropped a cone snail shell and a murex shell. “Thanks a lot!” I said. These shells are SO cool! I thought.
Then Mom said that it was time to return to the trail and head back to our hotel, Monterey Tides. I didn’t want to leave because I had so much fun finding shells. I had to use my hands to cover the openings of my pockets, because of all the shells I had jammed in there. I swear, when we got back on the trail my legs skimmed against poison oak, and I was so happy, the annoying branches couldn’t possibly damper my mood!
When we finally reached the rental car we started heading back to our hotel, and Dad was playing one of my favorite songs by Kaki King, Life Being What It Is. I could smell the shrimp cocktails when we passed the fisherman’s wharf, and I could almost taste the grilled artichokes we had earlier that day. Those artichokes were yummy! I thought.
When we got to the hotel I could smell the chlorine from the pool on our way to the room. Once at the door of our hotel room, I took my shoes off and shook the sand out of them. Then I opened the door to the room and ran on in. Then I heard Dad say, ”Here, Delaney. Put your shells on this plate.” When I had finished taking all the shells out of my pockets, my hoodie immediately felt five pounds lighter. Then I hopped on the bed. I could smell the detergent on the freshly washed sheets. My parents turned the TV on and I got under the covers.
What a day! Hunting for shells, poison oak, abalone, what a lot in one nutshell! Having the adventure and excitement of discovery was by far the most memorable part of the experience. But bringing home some rare shells, especially the abalone and murex shells, was pretty cool, too. In the end, I had as much fun as someone skydiving through the air!
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A final note...
Originally, this was an assignment for class. This was a special experience for me, and I had a great time revising this story to bring it to life. I wanted to share this with you because I worked hard on this, and I thought it would be a cool post!

I always love a good story. With that said, the stories I remember are told with vivid descriptions that awaken my senses. As I was reading this one, I was certain I was smelling salt in the air and I swear my legs started itching, too!
ReplyDeleteCompelling authors leave their readers wanting more, and that is the case with this story. Did you bring all of those seashells come with you? What did you do with the Abalone one? Did you have to go to the doctor for your poison oak? Did anyone else get it, too? AND how is it your father didn’t know the name of the yellow-flowered bush??? ;)
I look forward to your next post!
Coach Dial, thanks for reading my post. I really liked what you said about it. But, my 1st post wouldn't have been as good if I didn't have my Dad there to help me revise some little things. I saw you had some questions, so here are my answers.
Delete1. I brought all my seashells home with me.
2. My Abalone shell is in a special place so it won't get broken.
3.No, I did not have to go to the doctor for my poison oak.
4. No, no one else got as itchy as I did.
5. I have NO idea how Dad didn't know what the bush was!
I hope you like my next post!
Sincerely, Delaney
Great writing pieces like yours allow the reader to connect memories and have new insight about the author. I was able to both! You sent me straight back to being a child reading and dreaming about visiting the beach. The way you described the wind, sand, and salt in the air brought back memories I didn't know I had. What powerful writing!
ReplyDeleteIf you were to continue developing your ideas, I would think about character development. For instance, I know your Dad and his amazing ability to identify plants and animal species but the average reader may not know this. This is a great place to develop his character in your story and let the reader gain insight about your family.
Overall, you did an excellent job connecting the story through Poison Oak which helps keep it from developing into list writing. You developed a central theme and used excellent word choice to communicate to the reader!
Thanks for reading my post! I liked how you said that my story gave you memories you didn't even know you had! This story wouldn't be as good if my Dad hadn't helped me revise a thing or two. Thanks for giving me feedback on my post. I will take that into thought when I write my next post! (I believe that you can always revise your work.) I hope you like my next post!
DeleteSincerely, Delaney
Hi Miss Delaney! Thank you for sharing your work with the world, particularly me. I have never traveled to Garrapata State Park in California and honestly, until I read your post, I had never even heard of it. Your piece made me want to visit.
ReplyDeleteAs I was reading, I was able to visualize what you were seeing while visiting the park because you did an amazing job of describing the sights, sounds and smells around you. One of the my favorite parts of your post was how the entire piece felt like an adventure! I found myself reading at a furious pace!
Like Mr. Dial, as a reader I was left to infer about some parts of your great adventure, which as an author, it is okay to leave your reader wondering. However, I was also left wondering how this great adventure might have changed you or your perspective of such a beautiful place, if it did at all?
Finally, I wouldn't be a teacher without giving you a little nudge as a writer! I'm wondering if you ever include actions or feelings in combination with dialogue? For example, in your piece you wrote: Then I heard Dad say, ”Here, Delaney. Put your shells on this plate.” I'm curious how your dad said that to you? Or did he say it while doing an action? Including those "tags" of actions and feelings with dialogue gives your reader more insight about WHO your characters are. Just a thought to continue to grow as a writer!
Thank you again for sharing your work. I can't wait to read your next post.
PS - - Did you take any of these pictures yourself?
Keep Writing,
Mrs. Hodge
- Casi
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading my post! The great adventure made me long to live in Monterey, but of course, I can't. Yet. Thanks for giving me tips on my writing! I will remember those tips when working on my next post! Working on characters is a great idea, and it definitely would've made this story better.
P.S.( I didn't take any of those pictures, my dad did. But I just got a new phone a couple of months ago, and I am looking forward to adding my pictures to one of my next posts!)
Hi Delaney!
ReplyDeleteYour description of the breeze whipping through your hair, the smells, and I especially loved this line, "...the juniper bushes started harassing me like silver-green bullies." I can feel the "harassing". This piece makes me feel like I am right there with you.
I noticed that you italicized when it was your thinking/inner dialogue. That helped me as a reader keep track of the dialogue and thoughts.
Thank you for sharing this piece. It made me think of a family vacation I took to San Diego. <3
I look forward to your next post!
Rene